Thai Cops

Last month in Bangkok, late one evening I was walking home to my guest house when two Thai cops came up from behind me on their motorbike, stopped, and asked if they could search me. This wasn't a shock for me as this was something that happened to friends and I on two seperate occassions while on the streets of Bangkok. However, I was surprised when after searching my person they emptied my bag, turned it upside down, and a little plastic baggy containing two valium fell out on the ground. Oh Shit!!!

Right away I remembered that I had bought some valium a few months back while on Koh Chang and apparently these two little pills somehow ended up forgotten about and in the bottom of my bag. Despite being a controlled substance, you can buy valium in most pharmacies in Thailand without a prescription or a problem and many people traveling here will, on occasion, buy valium or some other sedative to help them sleep on long, uncomfortable bus rides (or maybe, like me, they also just like downers).

Just to give you a bit of background about some Thai Police officers, I've heard many stories of Thai cops planting small amounts of weed on people while they conducting a search and then providing tourists with the option of either paying a bribe or going to jail. In this situation however, I provided these two officers with exactly what they were looking for, an oportunity to extort money from me.

The extremely stern looking officer told me that I was in big trouble and that I needed to come with him to the police station. He told me that having these two pills was illegal and was essentially the same as having ecstacy or other hard drugs. I remained calm and began pleading ignorance, explaining that because I don't sleep well (which is true) I had gone to a pharmacy and asked for something 'legal to have in Thailand' that would help me sleep. I told him that the pharmacist gave me these pills and told me that I didn't need a prescription to have them in Thailand.

The Thai police officer wasn't buying any of it and told me that I needed to get on his motorbike and that I would be going with him to the police station. Politely, I told him that I wasn't going to go with him and I again pleaded my case. The conversation then continued like this for about 10 minutes, with him telling me how much trouble I was in and me trying to talk, smile, and joke my way out of it. Then he asked me how long I had been living in Thailand. I told him two and a half months. Then he demanded to see my passport. I opened up my bag, pulled out my passport, and handed it over. He didn't even look at it. It went directly into his back pocket. Now he had me...

Knowing the I was likely going to have to pay him something to get out of this situation, I asked if there was any way for me to not have to go the police station. He quickly replied "You pay 10,000 baht", which is about $330 Canadian dollars. Now I was panicking. I actually had that amount on me, but there was no way I was going to part with $330 for having two little pills, which may or may not be illegal for me to posses. When I told him I couldn't pay that amount he again told me that I would be coming with him to the police station.

I told the police officer that I was going to phone my friend so she could explain the situation to him in Thai. He looked at me, laughed, and told me "She isn't going to be able to help you." I phoned Em anyway, explained the situation to her, and she went about trying to get me out of trouble. After five minutes of explanation, the police officer handed me back my phone and Em told me that I should just pay him off because if he was to take me back to the station then there would be more cops there, meaning I would have to pay off more people. Em told me that 3,000 or 4,000 baht would be enough to get me out of trouble. I was stuck.

By this point it was late, I was exhausted, and so I gave in and paid the two officers the 4,000 baht that Em suggested I should pay. They wouldn't take less (trust me, I tried). After giving them the money, the stern officer who I had been dealing with handed back my passport and then he gave me the two pills as well. What, I thought these were illegal? Then he told me that I was not to mention this to anyone. And then I felt like a total sucker.

The next day I told a few people at my guest house about what had happended. A couple of older travelers couldn't believe I gave in and gave up that much money. "You should have just told them to fuck off, asked for their names and badge numbers, and then demanded that they take you to the police station so you could report them to their supervisor." And now I felt like an even bigger sucker.

Five days later I headed off to Singapore to do a visa run and also to spend the weekend at the annual tattoo convention there. Once the convention was over, I flew back to bangkok and to see Em, who had been south on the islands performing fire for New Years. Two days after returning to Bangkok from Singapore, I was in this small vegetarian restaurant near my guest house, where I often go to get take out when I don’t feel like eating at a restaurant. The place was absolutely empty and I was leaning over the corner of one of the tables looking at the menu when all of a sudden someone unexpectedly came over and sat down at the table I was leaning on. I glanced up and saw that it was a police officer. I did a quick double take and realized it was the Thai cop who took my money two weeks earlier. I looked to the next table over and sure enough his partner, who had also been there that night, was sitting there.

I looked at the officer who had taken my money two weeks earlier, made eye contact, and then got up and sat down directly across from him. I smiled and then said, “We know each other don’t we?” He looked at me confused and then replied, “Excuse me.” Again I said, “We’ve met before haven’t we?” He then quickly responded, “I don’t think so. We’ve never met.” Then I said, “No we've met. What’s your name?” “What?” he replied, getting very serious, the way I remembered him to be. "What’s your name?” I asked. He looked at me very sternly and said “What do you want? Why do you want to know my name?” Now I was getting a little nervous but I kept on – “I’m pretty sure we’ve met before so I just want to know your name because I think if you tell me your name I’ll be able to remember you", I said. He looked at me threateningly and said “I don’t speak English!”

I could sense that I was obviously not going to get the information I needed so I quickly got up, apologized for the mistake, and then left the table. But when I glanced back I could see the two cops smirking to each other. "Fuck that shit!", I thought. Once I got outside I walked straight over to their motorbike, wrote down the license plate number and then I was off, down Khao San, and into the police station at the end of the road. I walked up to the two police officers sitting at a desk and asked if I could speak to someone in charge. The older of the two officers said that he was the police officer in charge and that I could speak with him.

I began explaining the story to him – how two weeks earlier two police officers took 4000 baht from me. These two officers didn't speak English well and my Thai is non-existent and so somehow their interpretation of my story was that I had slept with a lady boy and that afterward, he (she) stole my money. Again, I had to phone Em and get her to explain to what had happened to me. Afterwards, Em told me that the police officer was going to take me into a room where there would be pictures of 60 officers on the wall. If I could identify which two officers took my money, then they would be called in to speak with me. She was certain this wasn’t going to be possible, “How are you going to identify them? They all look the same?”

So the officer took me into the room mentioned and I had to look through the 60 pictures. Having just seen the two officers in person, I was quickly able to pick out one of the two who took my money. But even after five minutes of analysis, I couldn't pick out the stern officer, the one who had physically taken my money. Then finally I found him. He looked slightly different in his picture but I was sure it was him. The officer in charge then got on the phone and made the call. Then he directed me back to the room with the desk.

After 10 minutes of me anxiously waiting, the stern looking officer showed up and he walked over and sat down beside me. He looked at me and said, "Oh, now I remember you." "Now you remember me?", I asked. "Yeah, you were the one with the medicine." Then he looked at me, raised his hands in the air, and said, "So?" "So, I would like my money back", I responded. "You want your money back?" he asked. "Yeah, I would like my 4,000 baht back." To my suprise, he picked up his phone, made a call to his partner, and then told me to wait five mintues. He left the room and I waited.

Several minutes later he came back into the room sat down beside me and handed me four 1,000 baht bills. I took the money, stuffed it in my pocket, and then thanked him. Then I smiled (in an effort to try and make things a little less serious) before asking him, "Do you hate me?" He told me that he didn't hate me. Next I asked him, "Are you mad at me?" "No", he responded. "Good" I replied and I offered him my hand. We shook hands and then I got up, thanked the other officers for their help, and was out the door, around the corner, and down the first side street I could find.