It’s been so long since I last posted something here. I’ve been listening to Shane Koyczan a lot lately and you can’t help but be totally inspired when listening to him. I’ve always been attracted to and fascinated by stories of human experience and Shane’s songs just blow my mind. There is something sacred about his spoken word. So amazingly poetic, beautiful, and inspiring!!!
I don't have any wild and passionate stories about falling in love with unavailable girls or crazy run-ins with police officers who try to extort money from me. Instead, I simply have subtle realizations about myself, about the contrast between Eastern and Western ways of thinking and doing, and about the human experiences and life that I would like to have. And I also have a few transcripts from several conversations I’ve had with beautiful people that I was fortunate to spend time with while in India. These stories/conversations make me either laugh or smile.
When I first arrived in India I met a French traveler and aspiring yogi named Julien. Julien and I traveled together for about a month. While in Varanasi we would wake up every morning at sunrise and practice yoga on the roof top of our guest house. Then we would basically just laze around all day killing time and waiting until sunset so we could hit the roof top again for a second yoga session. Being someone who has always raced through life, not chewing his food, constantly with the future and an unnecessary sense of urgency in my mind – “I’ve got to do this; I’ve got to be here; I have so many things to do today” – I initially had trouble with these many hours of freedom in between yoga sessions. And of course we often try to fill our lives with things that we think will make us happy, even though they often don’t.
Ryan – God, I feel like such a lazy prick!
Julien – What, you want to do something more than practice yoga and have breakfast???
Ryan – Yeah... I don’t know, (thinking) maybe fornicate.
Julien – (laughing) This should not be a goal. It’s a spiritual mistake…
When I was in Dharamsala I was practicing yoga with this Indian teacher named Vijay. During these wild classes filled with high kicks and crazy chanting, I met a lovely girl from Greece named Elisabeth. Elisabeth was doing her teacher training at the studio with Vijay and had been there for the past 3 weeks or so. Elisabeth and I became friends and I am grateful that she would often adjust me during Vijay’s classes, helping we open up these ‘oh so ready to blossom’ hamstrings of mine. After Elisabeth returned home, she and I were having a conversation one day that had to be cut short because she had to go teach a private yoga class to a friend of hers, someone whom she also had a crush on. The next day I sent her a short message:
Ryan = “How was your private session with your love?”
Elisabeth = “Ohhh it was great! We did three hours of yoga and then had lunch and talked and then we did acro-yoga in the afternoon. Then that night we went out to a tekno party to get all the toxins back ;)
The other day I was on my Facebook account and I saw that my friend Farhad, who recently returned back home to Iran after being in India and Nepal for several months, had posted a conversation that he had with his father and his father’s friends. This story is such a perfect example of Farhad’s amazing sense of humour and wit:
The other day I was sitting in the sauna with my dad and his friends. Everybody was sweating and listening to my travel stories. One of my dad’s friends wondered, “How do you feel exactly when you are on the road?” “Like a fish” I replied. “I feel like a fish when you release it into the river. I’m shaking and I feel totally alive with my wide open eyes!!! Then I’m searching to find the perfect spot. Then I’m just floating to where life is going to surprise me!!!” My dad carefully asked me “How do you feel when you are home with us?” “Like a fish” I said. He smiled. Then I added, “But on the kitchen table!!!”
Two more small things:
1) I do yoga in spandex short shorts now, but only when doing my self-practice in private or in secluded areas. I know, I know, but you just have so much more mobility in spandex short shorts…
2) Do you know how much it costs to go to school to become a Naturopathic Doctor? Oh my!!!
Much love…
August 23, 2010
April 16, 2010
‘Kumbh Mela’ – Getting to Haridwar for the Second Royal Bath
My day started with a 4:00am yoga session on the rooftop of my guest house in Varanasi, one of my favourite places in the world. After yoga, I had to make a quick trip to the hospital for a rabies shot; a few days prior I was bitten by a small domestic dog (lightly bitten but enough to draw blood) and this dog had unfortunately been bitten by a street dog two weeks earlier. After a quick jab from the doctor, I was off to the train station and on my way to Haridwar and Kumbh Mela, a mass Hindu pilgrimage and the largest religious gathering on the planet.
I was in sleeper class and so after spending the day on the train, at about 9:00pm I settled onto the upholstered piece of wood that would be my bed and fell asleep. At 2:00am I woke up to much noise and to find that sleeper class was becoming general seating. As we got nearer to Haridwar, at every stop the train made, more and more Hindu pilgrims were piling onto the train on their way to Kumbh Mela. By the time we reached Haridwar, our car was completely packed with people, and I mean packed.
The train arrived at about 4:00am. After watching an insanely mad rush to get out of the train car, I headed for the station’s baggage storage office where, fortunately, I was able to leave my backpack. ‘Fortunately’ because I don’t think I’ve ever gone to a train station baggage storage office in India without seeing some distressed foreigner leaving, carrying a backpack, box, musical instrument, or bicycle and cursing the luggage storage attendants. Rule #1 of many: ‘No lock, no storage’. “How can I put a lock on a box?” or “My sitar case has locks on it already, see right there and there, it would be physically impossible to put a padlock on it!” are just a few examples of futile attempts to rationalize and hopefully elicit some sympathy from the storage attendants. But once an Indian has said ‘No’ or there are set rules in place, no matter how illogical they may seem to foreigners, there really is no point in trying to convince them otherwise (of course this is based on my experiences only).
After my bag was stored, I walked out of the station to find hundreds of Indians sleeping on the grounds in front of the entrance. After sneaking through bunches and groups of bodies, I made my may to the main street where a procession of thousands were walking down the road. Since I had been to Haridwar a few years earlier, I was confused as to why everyone was walking away from the river and so I asked a young Indian man about this. “The police have blocked off the quickest way to the river so everyone has to walk this way around and then go back” was his response. Shaking my head and laughing, I joined the never-ending line of people and followed the procession away from where we all wanted to go.
After walking for a kilometer or so we did in fact cut back towards the river like the young man had said. After another few kilometers and we arrived at a ghat (steps leading to the water) at the bank of the river. It was still dark but there were already thousands of people bathing in the water and making offerings to the holy river Ganga. But this wasn’t ‘It’ for me; I wanted to be in the heart of it all and so I re-joined the convoy and continued on towards the main bathing area.
Another kilometer of walking and I approached what would be the first of many obstacles. The police had set up a road block in the middle of the street and were diverting people away from the river. However, dozens of pilgrims were pushing through the police and the police were fighting off the crowd with their batons. The sky was just starting to lighten now and I definitely wanted to make it to the main bathing area before the sun fully came up, so I joined the group trying to push through the police barricade. But a 6 foot 3 inch white guy doesn’t blend into the mix in India and a police officer quickly had his baton in cross-check position on my chest, pushing me back to where I had come from. “Can I please get through?”, I pleaded. Of course, you know his response.
Not giving up, I walked to the left side of the road block where a little, elderly woman was crawling through a small opening in the steal barricade. I stood there for about 30 seconds and just kept looking at the barricade, sizing up the situation, and trying to figure out how I was going to get through. Then this gentle-looking Indian, who was around the same age as me, came up beside me and got my attention. He could tell exactly what I was thinking and so he smiled at me mischievously and whispered “Go!” “How?”, I asked him. We both stood there for about a minute and then, when the timing was right, he quickly grabbed the barricade, which was on wheels, and flung the whole thing towards the police officers on the other side. He yelled “Go!” Then he grabbed my hand and we, and dozens of others, sprinted through the opening and up the street; leaving the police officers to fight a hundred other people off and re-establish the road block.
I was laughing out loud and we were both smiling at each other as we slowed down about a block away from the mess we’d created and left behind us. Despite the fact that each of us was unable to speak more than a few words of the other’s language, a definite bond had been created. We were now in this together. He told me that his name was Naresh. I then noticed that Naresh had three friends traveling with him and each of them looked as gentle as my new friend appeared; you could just sense that these were decent guys. Each of them had a definite and evident wholesomeness about him. Naturally I fit right in with them… ;-)
I thought we were set now; we’d conquered the road block and surely we’d be at the main bathing area in no time. Of course I was 100% wrong. Every two to three hundred metres the police had another barricade waiting for us. At the next diversion there were again a few hundred Indians trying to fight their way through the police. Naresh once more grabbed my hand and led me away from the barricade, this time down a side road. The five of us then cut through a narrow alleyway, made our way over some huge piles of garbage and steal poles, and then squeaked through a small opening between two concrete buildings. We were around the road block and back on the main road.
At the next barricade we again cut through a side alley. This time we came out at an opening where a few hundred Indian’s were running across a rocky ditch, up the embankment of a small hill, and towards a huge chain link fence. Once I reached the top of the hill, I noticed that someone had cut a small square opening in the fence and so a line of elderly women and men were passing through this spontaneously created passageway. Everyone else was going over the fence. Men and women and boys and girls were all climbing the chains. Numerous adults were lifting babies and children who we were too young to climb over the fence and these little ones were being received by friends or family members on the other side. I was blown away. I couldn’t believe it – all this effort just to get to the river to bathe, make offerings to the river, and pray – it was absolutely beautiful. I was so grateful to be part of it and absolutely loving that my four new friends and I were totally carrying out our journey ‘Ninja-style’.
Once we’d crossed over the fence, we made our way to the next road block where we simply had to duck walk through a huge crowd going the opposite direction, un-noticed by several police officers. After making it past the police, we could see the huge crowd at the main bathing area. It was beautiful; I couldn’t even guess how many people were there washing in the river. The sun was coming up as we made our way through a man-made maze of roped off paths leading to the main bathing area. But just before we crossed the bridge that would enable us to reach our destination, the police stopped us and checked my bag. Of course all I was thinking was, “Oh no, not again” (see previous blog post labeled ‘Thai Cops’).
This time there were no problems with the police and they waved us through. As soon as we got to the water’s edge Naresh stripped down to his underwear and was down the concrete stairs leading to the water and into the river. I watched as he cupped his hands together and took water from the holy river. He lifted his arms up so that his hands were above his head and then offered the water back to the river by letting the water pour out over his finger tips. Then he washed his body before going fully under the water three times.
Once he finished his puja and re-joined us, he asked if I was going to go in. Of course I wanted to. I looked around and saw that there were other foreigners around but none of them were going in the water. I was unsure. Then I looked back to Naresh who was giving me this ‘you stealth-styled it all the way here and now you’re not going to go in the water’ look. Just then, out of nowhere, dozens of police started blowing whistles and dragging people out of the water. I couldn’t really understand why this was happening and so I just watched the police clearing the steps to the water. Naresh again looked at me mischievously and I’m certain that we were both thinking the exact same thing: ‘They must be clearing the steps for you Ryan.’
So off came my shoes, t-shirt, and jeans and I went down the steps and into the river. The water was freezing and the current was strong. I copied what I’d seen Naresh and countless others do. I made offering; scrubbed my face, arms, and chest; and then went under the water three times. After going under the third time I emerged from the river, toweled off, and put my clothes back on. I felt absolutely amazing. It was a beautiful day and a beautiful experience. I think I might even be enlightened now. ;-)
I was in sleeper class and so after spending the day on the train, at about 9:00pm I settled onto the upholstered piece of wood that would be my bed and fell asleep. At 2:00am I woke up to much noise and to find that sleeper class was becoming general seating. As we got nearer to Haridwar, at every stop the train made, more and more Hindu pilgrims were piling onto the train on their way to Kumbh Mela. By the time we reached Haridwar, our car was completely packed with people, and I mean packed.
The train arrived at about 4:00am. After watching an insanely mad rush to get out of the train car, I headed for the station’s baggage storage office where, fortunately, I was able to leave my backpack. ‘Fortunately’ because I don’t think I’ve ever gone to a train station baggage storage office in India without seeing some distressed foreigner leaving, carrying a backpack, box, musical instrument, or bicycle and cursing the luggage storage attendants. Rule #1 of many: ‘No lock, no storage’. “How can I put a lock on a box?” or “My sitar case has locks on it already, see right there and there, it would be physically impossible to put a padlock on it!” are just a few examples of futile attempts to rationalize and hopefully elicit some sympathy from the storage attendants. But once an Indian has said ‘No’ or there are set rules in place, no matter how illogical they may seem to foreigners, there really is no point in trying to convince them otherwise (of course this is based on my experiences only).
After my bag was stored, I walked out of the station to find hundreds of Indians sleeping on the grounds in front of the entrance. After sneaking through bunches and groups of bodies, I made my may to the main street where a procession of thousands were walking down the road. Since I had been to Haridwar a few years earlier, I was confused as to why everyone was walking away from the river and so I asked a young Indian man about this. “The police have blocked off the quickest way to the river so everyone has to walk this way around and then go back” was his response. Shaking my head and laughing, I joined the never-ending line of people and followed the procession away from where we all wanted to go.
After walking for a kilometer or so we did in fact cut back towards the river like the young man had said. After another few kilometers and we arrived at a ghat (steps leading to the water) at the bank of the river. It was still dark but there were already thousands of people bathing in the water and making offerings to the holy river Ganga. But this wasn’t ‘It’ for me; I wanted to be in the heart of it all and so I re-joined the convoy and continued on towards the main bathing area.
Another kilometer of walking and I approached what would be the first of many obstacles. The police had set up a road block in the middle of the street and were diverting people away from the river. However, dozens of pilgrims were pushing through the police and the police were fighting off the crowd with their batons. The sky was just starting to lighten now and I definitely wanted to make it to the main bathing area before the sun fully came up, so I joined the group trying to push through the police barricade. But a 6 foot 3 inch white guy doesn’t blend into the mix in India and a police officer quickly had his baton in cross-check position on my chest, pushing me back to where I had come from. “Can I please get through?”, I pleaded. Of course, you know his response.
Not giving up, I walked to the left side of the road block where a little, elderly woman was crawling through a small opening in the steal barricade. I stood there for about 30 seconds and just kept looking at the barricade, sizing up the situation, and trying to figure out how I was going to get through. Then this gentle-looking Indian, who was around the same age as me, came up beside me and got my attention. He could tell exactly what I was thinking and so he smiled at me mischievously and whispered “Go!” “How?”, I asked him. We both stood there for about a minute and then, when the timing was right, he quickly grabbed the barricade, which was on wheels, and flung the whole thing towards the police officers on the other side. He yelled “Go!” Then he grabbed my hand and we, and dozens of others, sprinted through the opening and up the street; leaving the police officers to fight a hundred other people off and re-establish the road block.
I was laughing out loud and we were both smiling at each other as we slowed down about a block away from the mess we’d created and left behind us. Despite the fact that each of us was unable to speak more than a few words of the other’s language, a definite bond had been created. We were now in this together. He told me that his name was Naresh. I then noticed that Naresh had three friends traveling with him and each of them looked as gentle as my new friend appeared; you could just sense that these were decent guys. Each of them had a definite and evident wholesomeness about him. Naturally I fit right in with them… ;-)
I thought we were set now; we’d conquered the road block and surely we’d be at the main bathing area in no time. Of course I was 100% wrong. Every two to three hundred metres the police had another barricade waiting for us. At the next diversion there were again a few hundred Indians trying to fight their way through the police. Naresh once more grabbed my hand and led me away from the barricade, this time down a side road. The five of us then cut through a narrow alleyway, made our way over some huge piles of garbage and steal poles, and then squeaked through a small opening between two concrete buildings. We were around the road block and back on the main road.
At the next barricade we again cut through a side alley. This time we came out at an opening where a few hundred Indian’s were running across a rocky ditch, up the embankment of a small hill, and towards a huge chain link fence. Once I reached the top of the hill, I noticed that someone had cut a small square opening in the fence and so a line of elderly women and men were passing through this spontaneously created passageway. Everyone else was going over the fence. Men and women and boys and girls were all climbing the chains. Numerous adults were lifting babies and children who we were too young to climb over the fence and these little ones were being received by friends or family members on the other side. I was blown away. I couldn’t believe it – all this effort just to get to the river to bathe, make offerings to the river, and pray – it was absolutely beautiful. I was so grateful to be part of it and absolutely loving that my four new friends and I were totally carrying out our journey ‘Ninja-style’.
Once we’d crossed over the fence, we made our way to the next road block where we simply had to duck walk through a huge crowd going the opposite direction, un-noticed by several police officers. After making it past the police, we could see the huge crowd at the main bathing area. It was beautiful; I couldn’t even guess how many people were there washing in the river. The sun was coming up as we made our way through a man-made maze of roped off paths leading to the main bathing area. But just before we crossed the bridge that would enable us to reach our destination, the police stopped us and checked my bag. Of course all I was thinking was, “Oh no, not again” (see previous blog post labeled ‘Thai Cops’).
This time there were no problems with the police and they waved us through. As soon as we got to the water’s edge Naresh stripped down to his underwear and was down the concrete stairs leading to the water and into the river. I watched as he cupped his hands together and took water from the holy river. He lifted his arms up so that his hands were above his head and then offered the water back to the river by letting the water pour out over his finger tips. Then he washed his body before going fully under the water three times.
Once he finished his puja and re-joined us, he asked if I was going to go in. Of course I wanted to. I looked around and saw that there were other foreigners around but none of them were going in the water. I was unsure. Then I looked back to Naresh who was giving me this ‘you stealth-styled it all the way here and now you’re not going to go in the water’ look. Just then, out of nowhere, dozens of police started blowing whistles and dragging people out of the water. I couldn’t really understand why this was happening and so I just watched the police clearing the steps to the water. Naresh again looked at me mischievously and I’m certain that we were both thinking the exact same thing: ‘They must be clearing the steps for you Ryan.’
So off came my shoes, t-shirt, and jeans and I went down the steps and into the river. The water was freezing and the current was strong. I copied what I’d seen Naresh and countless others do. I made offering; scrubbed my face, arms, and chest; and then went under the water three times. After going under the third time I emerged from the river, toweled off, and put my clothes back on. I felt absolutely amazing. It was a beautiful day and a beautiful experience. I think I might even be enlightened now. ;-)
March 4, 2010
I love you and Buddha too...
Sitting on my bed in a $5 guest house in Kolkata and thought that maybe it’s time to update the blog. Just finished a yoga session on the roof top and so I am feeling fine. I’ve really been enjoying my own practice lately. Life is so simple, life is so simple, all you have to do is breath. I stole that line from a friend of mine. And I stole that line from a song. Such a little thief.
So I’ve been in Kolkata a few days now but thought I might give a quick account of my month in Nepal. My first day in Nepal was filled with so much beauty. At about 10am I met up with my friend Agni (formerly known as Georgina Ng) who is originally from Saskatoon and has been living in Nepal for about a year and a half, studying Tibetan and Buddhism. I know Agni because I used to practice yoga with her back in Saskatoon before she left Canada for Nepal. She is a beautiful and amazing person and an equally amazing yoga teacher.
After meeting up with Agni at the big stupa in Boudhanath (the Tibetan area of Kathmandu), she lead me to a quaint little outdoor restaurant called ‘Stupa Dining’, where her and her good friend Waylon were having tea. Agni introduced me to Waylon who was calmly sitting and strumming a guitar. Waylon had this amazing presence about him; beautiful, long, blond hair and intense, blue eyes. Waylon is a also an amazing yoga teacher and Agni and he used to be together for five years or so.
After 10 minutes of chatting with Waylon and Agni, several of Agni’s friends, who also study with her at the shedra (University), joined us. Shortly after they arrived, two more guitars were added into the mix and everyone started making music. It was so much fun. Agni and her friend German Mike have spent much of their spare time writing songs independently and together and they have about 10 to 15 songs about non-attachment, impermanence, wisdom and compassion, and of course love. They are going to be so famous one day. Waylon is also an amazing musician and who writes positive and amazing songs as well.
After the four hour jam session Agni, Waylon, and I all went back to Agni’s place and practiced yoga on her rooftop. I was really glad to be in Nepal with such beautiful people (smile). While in Nepal, I spent most of my time in Kathmandu in Boudhanath and I was really inspired by the Tibetan people and the dharma they practice. I really sense that Tibetans are likely here as a (maybe ‘the’) model for how human beings can (maybe ‘should’) be. Everything Tibetan Buddhists do spiritually is dedicated to the benefit of all sentient beings, without exception. I don’t know any other culture that dedicates all of the positive actions they do to the benefit of all. In fact, I don’t know any other culture or group of people who, when having to deal with having their land, culture, and religion stripped away from them, has reacted in such a non-violent and compassionate way towards their oppressors. I am really inspired by their culture, their love, and their compassion. A quote written on a movie sleeve of a documentary about Tibet reads, “Humanity needs Tibet.” I couldn’t agree more. I recommend the film ‘Unmistaken Child’ if you want to watch something amazing and really interesting related to Tibetan Buddhism – actually if you just want to watch something that is truly amazing.
I spent my last 8 days in Kathmandu at a Tibetan Monastery called Kopan. It was a beautiful and peaceful place and I was fortunate to be able to take part in a week long meditation retreat while there. Everything I learned and meditated on really resonated with me. And I believe it is the way, for me at least (with a few Taoist tricks thrown in). We actually had a two hour break each day and there was this lovely hill there where I, and a few others, would go practice yoga. It was amazing; you could see so much of Kathmandu from that hill. Of course I also met some lovely people there who were all on spiritual paths or who were starting their spiritual journeys. It was really beautiful.
So I feel really grateful for my time in Nepal and for being able to spend so much of it with Waylon and Agni while there. They are both such lovely and beautiful people and they actually got engaged while I was there (smile). Five years together, two years apart, and now they are planning to marry. They want me to come to Hawaii for their wedding next summer. It’s a lovely idea but I’m assuming I will still be in Asia then; but of course anything is possible. It was really beautiful to see two people so in love and who really care for each other so deeply. I am extremely happy for them and I love them both so much.
So now I’m in Kolkata. Waylon and I came here together but he left a few nights ago for China. Kolkata is actually quite nice and way more hassle free than Delhi or other places I’ve been to in the North of India. I was surprised. The girl I love was planning on meeting me here today but sadly something came up and plans changed. I believe she is now off to shine in Bali and be amazing there, because she is amazing everywhere she goes. So I’ll be here until tomorrow evening and then on my way to Varanasi (a very magical place) to spend some time chillin on the ghats before making my way to Kumbh Mela (the biggest spiritual gathering in the world). After that I’ll likely head to Dharamsala for another mediation retreat or two and then on to Rishikesh for a short yoga course. After that hopefully signs from the divine will guide me on.
Love you BIG time…
So I’ve been in Kolkata a few days now but thought I might give a quick account of my month in Nepal. My first day in Nepal was filled with so much beauty. At about 10am I met up with my friend Agni (formerly known as Georgina Ng) who is originally from Saskatoon and has been living in Nepal for about a year and a half, studying Tibetan and Buddhism. I know Agni because I used to practice yoga with her back in Saskatoon before she left Canada for Nepal. She is a beautiful and amazing person and an equally amazing yoga teacher.
After meeting up with Agni at the big stupa in Boudhanath (the Tibetan area of Kathmandu), she lead me to a quaint little outdoor restaurant called ‘Stupa Dining’, where her and her good friend Waylon were having tea. Agni introduced me to Waylon who was calmly sitting and strumming a guitar. Waylon had this amazing presence about him; beautiful, long, blond hair and intense, blue eyes. Waylon is a also an amazing yoga teacher and Agni and he used to be together for five years or so.
After 10 minutes of chatting with Waylon and Agni, several of Agni’s friends, who also study with her at the shedra (University), joined us. Shortly after they arrived, two more guitars were added into the mix and everyone started making music. It was so much fun. Agni and her friend German Mike have spent much of their spare time writing songs independently and together and they have about 10 to 15 songs about non-attachment, impermanence, wisdom and compassion, and of course love. They are going to be so famous one day. Waylon is also an amazing musician and who writes positive and amazing songs as well.
After the four hour jam session Agni, Waylon, and I all went back to Agni’s place and practiced yoga on her rooftop. I was really glad to be in Nepal with such beautiful people (smile). While in Nepal, I spent most of my time in Kathmandu in Boudhanath and I was really inspired by the Tibetan people and the dharma they practice. I really sense that Tibetans are likely here as a (maybe ‘the’) model for how human beings can (maybe ‘should’) be. Everything Tibetan Buddhists do spiritually is dedicated to the benefit of all sentient beings, without exception. I don’t know any other culture that dedicates all of the positive actions they do to the benefit of all. In fact, I don’t know any other culture or group of people who, when having to deal with having their land, culture, and religion stripped away from them, has reacted in such a non-violent and compassionate way towards their oppressors. I am really inspired by their culture, their love, and their compassion. A quote written on a movie sleeve of a documentary about Tibet reads, “Humanity needs Tibet.” I couldn’t agree more. I recommend the film ‘Unmistaken Child’ if you want to watch something amazing and really interesting related to Tibetan Buddhism – actually if you just want to watch something that is truly amazing.
I spent my last 8 days in Kathmandu at a Tibetan Monastery called Kopan. It was a beautiful and peaceful place and I was fortunate to be able to take part in a week long meditation retreat while there. Everything I learned and meditated on really resonated with me. And I believe it is the way, for me at least (with a few Taoist tricks thrown in). We actually had a two hour break each day and there was this lovely hill there where I, and a few others, would go practice yoga. It was amazing; you could see so much of Kathmandu from that hill. Of course I also met some lovely people there who were all on spiritual paths or who were starting their spiritual journeys. It was really beautiful.
So I feel really grateful for my time in Nepal and for being able to spend so much of it with Waylon and Agni while there. They are both such lovely and beautiful people and they actually got engaged while I was there (smile). Five years together, two years apart, and now they are planning to marry. They want me to come to Hawaii for their wedding next summer. It’s a lovely idea but I’m assuming I will still be in Asia then; but of course anything is possible. It was really beautiful to see two people so in love and who really care for each other so deeply. I am extremely happy for them and I love them both so much.
So now I’m in Kolkata. Waylon and I came here together but he left a few nights ago for China. Kolkata is actually quite nice and way more hassle free than Delhi or other places I’ve been to in the North of India. I was surprised. The girl I love was planning on meeting me here today but sadly something came up and plans changed. I believe she is now off to shine in Bali and be amazing there, because she is amazing everywhere she goes. So I’ll be here until tomorrow evening and then on my way to Varanasi (a very magical place) to spend some time chillin on the ghats before making my way to Kumbh Mela (the biggest spiritual gathering in the world). After that I’ll likely head to Dharamsala for another mediation retreat or two and then on to Rishikesh for a short yoga course. After that hopefully signs from the divine will guide me on.
Love you BIG time…
January 17, 2010
Thai Cops
Last month in Bangkok, late one evening I was walking home to my guest house when two Thai cops came up from behind me on their motorbike, stopped, and asked if they could search me. This wasn't a shock for me as this was something that happened to friends and I on two seperate occassions while on the streets of Bangkok. However, I was surprised when after searching my person they emptied my bag, turned it upside down, and a little plastic baggy containing two valium fell out on the ground. Oh Shit!!!
Right away I remembered that I had bought some valium a few months back while on Koh Chang and apparently these two little pills somehow ended up forgotten about and in the bottom of my bag. Despite being a controlled substance, you can buy valium in most pharmacies in Thailand without a prescription or a problem and many people traveling here will, on occasion, buy valium or some other sedative to help them sleep on long, uncomfortable bus rides (or maybe, like me, they also just like downers).
Just to give you a bit of background about some Thai Police officers, I've heard many stories of Thai cops planting small amounts of weed on people while they conducting a search and then providing tourists with the option of either paying a bribe or going to jail. In this situation however, I provided these two officers with exactly what they were looking for, an oportunity to extort money from me.
The extremely stern looking officer told me that I was in big trouble and that I needed to come with him to the police station. He told me that having these two pills was illegal and was essentially the same as having ecstacy or other hard drugs. I remained calm and began pleading ignorance, explaining that because I don't sleep well (which is true) I had gone to a pharmacy and asked for something 'legal to have in Thailand' that would help me sleep. I told him that the pharmacist gave me these pills and told me that I didn't need a prescription to have them in Thailand.
The Thai police officer wasn't buying any of it and told me that I needed to get on his motorbike and that I would be going with him to the police station. Politely, I told him that I wasn't going to go with him and I again pleaded my case. The conversation then continued like this for about 10 minutes, with him telling me how much trouble I was in and me trying to talk, smile, and joke my way out of it. Then he asked me how long I had been living in Thailand. I told him two and a half months. Then he demanded to see my passport. I opened up my bag, pulled out my passport, and handed it over. He didn't even look at it. It went directly into his back pocket. Now he had me...
Knowing the I was likely going to have to pay him something to get out of this situation, I asked if there was any way for me to not have to go the police station. He quickly replied "You pay 10,000 baht", which is about $330 Canadian dollars. Now I was panicking. I actually had that amount on me, but there was no way I was going to part with $330 for having two little pills, which may or may not be illegal for me to posses. When I told him I couldn't pay that amount he again told me that I would be coming with him to the police station.
I told the police officer that I was going to phone my friend so she could explain the situation to him in Thai. He looked at me, laughed, and told me "She isn't going to be able to help you." I phoned Em anyway, explained the situation to her, and she went about trying to get me out of trouble. After five minutes of explanation, the police officer handed me back my phone and Em told me that I should just pay him off because if he was to take me back to the station then there would be more cops there, meaning I would have to pay off more people. Em told me that 3,000 or 4,000 baht would be enough to get me out of trouble. I was stuck.
By this point it was late, I was exhausted, and so I gave in and paid the two officers the 4,000 baht that Em suggested I should pay. They wouldn't take less (trust me, I tried). After giving them the money, the stern officer who I had been dealing with handed back my passport and then he gave me the two pills as well. What, I thought these were illegal? Then he told me that I was not to mention this to anyone. And then I felt like a total sucker.
The next day I told a few people at my guest house about what had happended. A couple of older travelers couldn't believe I gave in and gave up that much money. "You should have just told them to fuck off, asked for their names and badge numbers, and then demanded that they take you to the police station so you could report them to their supervisor." And now I felt like an even bigger sucker.
Five days later I headed off to Singapore to do a visa run and also to spend the weekend at the annual tattoo convention there. Once the convention was over, I flew back to bangkok and to see Em, who had been south on the islands performing fire for New Years. Two days after returning to Bangkok from Singapore, I was in this small vegetarian restaurant near my guest house, where I often go to get take out when I don’t feel like eating at a restaurant. The place was absolutely empty and I was leaning over the corner of one of the tables looking at the menu when all of a sudden someone unexpectedly came over and sat down at the table I was leaning on. I glanced up and saw that it was a police officer. I did a quick double take and realized it was the Thai cop who took my money two weeks earlier. I looked to the next table over and sure enough his partner, who had also been there that night, was sitting there.
I looked at the officer who had taken my money two weeks earlier, made eye contact, and then got up and sat down directly across from him. I smiled and then said, “We know each other don’t we?” He looked at me confused and then replied, “Excuse me.” Again I said, “We’ve met before haven’t we?” He then quickly responded, “I don’t think so. We’ve never met.” Then I said, “No we've met. What’s your name?” “What?” he replied, getting very serious, the way I remembered him to be. "What’s your name?” I asked. He looked at me very sternly and said “What do you want? Why do you want to know my name?” Now I was getting a little nervous but I kept on – “I’m pretty sure we’ve met before so I just want to know your name because I think if you tell me your name I’ll be able to remember you", I said. He looked at me threateningly and said “I don’t speak English!”
I could sense that I was obviously not going to get the information I needed so I quickly got up, apologized for the mistake, and then left the table. But when I glanced back I could see the two cops smirking to each other. "Fuck that shit!", I thought. Once I got outside I walked straight over to their motorbike, wrote down the license plate number and then I was off, down Khao San, and into the police station at the end of the road. I walked up to the two police officers sitting at a desk and asked if I could speak to someone in charge. The older of the two officers said that he was the police officer in charge and that I could speak with him.
I began explaining the story to him – how two weeks earlier two police officers took 4000 baht from me. These two officers didn't speak English well and my Thai is non-existent and so somehow their interpretation of my story was that I had slept with a lady boy and that afterward, he (she) stole my money. Again, I had to phone Em and get her to explain to what had happened to me. Afterwards, Em told me that the police officer was going to take me into a room where there would be pictures of 60 officers on the wall. If I could identify which two officers took my money, then they would be called in to speak with me. She was certain this wasn’t going to be possible, “How are you going to identify them? They all look the same?”
So the officer took me into the room mentioned and I had to look through the 60 pictures. Having just seen the two officers in person, I was quickly able to pick out one of the two who took my money. But even after five minutes of analysis, I couldn't pick out the stern officer, the one who had physically taken my money. Then finally I found him. He looked slightly different in his picture but I was sure it was him. The officer in charge then got on the phone and made the call. Then he directed me back to the room with the desk.
After 10 minutes of me anxiously waiting, the stern looking officer showed up and he walked over and sat down beside me. He looked at me and said, "Oh, now I remember you." "Now you remember me?", I asked. "Yeah, you were the one with the medicine." Then he looked at me, raised his hands in the air, and said, "So?" "So, I would like my money back", I responded. "You want your money back?" he asked. "Yeah, I would like my 4,000 baht back." To my suprise, he picked up his phone, made a call to his partner, and then told me to wait five mintues. He left the room and I waited.
Several minutes later he came back into the room sat down beside me and handed me four 1,000 baht bills. I took the money, stuffed it in my pocket, and then thanked him. Then I smiled (in an effort to try and make things a little less serious) before asking him, "Do you hate me?" He told me that he didn't hate me. Next I asked him, "Are you mad at me?" "No", he responded. "Good" I replied and I offered him my hand. We shook hands and then I got up, thanked the other officers for their help, and was out the door, around the corner, and down the first side street I could find.
Right away I remembered that I had bought some valium a few months back while on Koh Chang and apparently these two little pills somehow ended up forgotten about and in the bottom of my bag. Despite being a controlled substance, you can buy valium in most pharmacies in Thailand without a prescription or a problem and many people traveling here will, on occasion, buy valium or some other sedative to help them sleep on long, uncomfortable bus rides (or maybe, like me, they also just like downers).
Just to give you a bit of background about some Thai Police officers, I've heard many stories of Thai cops planting small amounts of weed on people while they conducting a search and then providing tourists with the option of either paying a bribe or going to jail. In this situation however, I provided these two officers with exactly what they were looking for, an oportunity to extort money from me.
The extremely stern looking officer told me that I was in big trouble and that I needed to come with him to the police station. He told me that having these two pills was illegal and was essentially the same as having ecstacy or other hard drugs. I remained calm and began pleading ignorance, explaining that because I don't sleep well (which is true) I had gone to a pharmacy and asked for something 'legal to have in Thailand' that would help me sleep. I told him that the pharmacist gave me these pills and told me that I didn't need a prescription to have them in Thailand.
The Thai police officer wasn't buying any of it and told me that I needed to get on his motorbike and that I would be going with him to the police station. Politely, I told him that I wasn't going to go with him and I again pleaded my case. The conversation then continued like this for about 10 minutes, with him telling me how much trouble I was in and me trying to talk, smile, and joke my way out of it. Then he asked me how long I had been living in Thailand. I told him two and a half months. Then he demanded to see my passport. I opened up my bag, pulled out my passport, and handed it over. He didn't even look at it. It went directly into his back pocket. Now he had me...
Knowing the I was likely going to have to pay him something to get out of this situation, I asked if there was any way for me to not have to go the police station. He quickly replied "You pay 10,000 baht", which is about $330 Canadian dollars. Now I was panicking. I actually had that amount on me, but there was no way I was going to part with $330 for having two little pills, which may or may not be illegal for me to posses. When I told him I couldn't pay that amount he again told me that I would be coming with him to the police station.
I told the police officer that I was going to phone my friend so she could explain the situation to him in Thai. He looked at me, laughed, and told me "She isn't going to be able to help you." I phoned Em anyway, explained the situation to her, and she went about trying to get me out of trouble. After five minutes of explanation, the police officer handed me back my phone and Em told me that I should just pay him off because if he was to take me back to the station then there would be more cops there, meaning I would have to pay off more people. Em told me that 3,000 or 4,000 baht would be enough to get me out of trouble. I was stuck.
By this point it was late, I was exhausted, and so I gave in and paid the two officers the 4,000 baht that Em suggested I should pay. They wouldn't take less (trust me, I tried). After giving them the money, the stern officer who I had been dealing with handed back my passport and then he gave me the two pills as well. What, I thought these were illegal? Then he told me that I was not to mention this to anyone. And then I felt like a total sucker.
The next day I told a few people at my guest house about what had happended. A couple of older travelers couldn't believe I gave in and gave up that much money. "You should have just told them to fuck off, asked for their names and badge numbers, and then demanded that they take you to the police station so you could report them to their supervisor." And now I felt like an even bigger sucker.
Five days later I headed off to Singapore to do a visa run and also to spend the weekend at the annual tattoo convention there. Once the convention was over, I flew back to bangkok and to see Em, who had been south on the islands performing fire for New Years. Two days after returning to Bangkok from Singapore, I was in this small vegetarian restaurant near my guest house, where I often go to get take out when I don’t feel like eating at a restaurant. The place was absolutely empty and I was leaning over the corner of one of the tables looking at the menu when all of a sudden someone unexpectedly came over and sat down at the table I was leaning on. I glanced up and saw that it was a police officer. I did a quick double take and realized it was the Thai cop who took my money two weeks earlier. I looked to the next table over and sure enough his partner, who had also been there that night, was sitting there.
I looked at the officer who had taken my money two weeks earlier, made eye contact, and then got up and sat down directly across from him. I smiled and then said, “We know each other don’t we?” He looked at me confused and then replied, “Excuse me.” Again I said, “We’ve met before haven’t we?” He then quickly responded, “I don’t think so. We’ve never met.” Then I said, “No we've met. What’s your name?” “What?” he replied, getting very serious, the way I remembered him to be. "What’s your name?” I asked. He looked at me very sternly and said “What do you want? Why do you want to know my name?” Now I was getting a little nervous but I kept on – “I’m pretty sure we’ve met before so I just want to know your name because I think if you tell me your name I’ll be able to remember you", I said. He looked at me threateningly and said “I don’t speak English!”
I could sense that I was obviously not going to get the information I needed so I quickly got up, apologized for the mistake, and then left the table. But when I glanced back I could see the two cops smirking to each other. "Fuck that shit!", I thought. Once I got outside I walked straight over to their motorbike, wrote down the license plate number and then I was off, down Khao San, and into the police station at the end of the road. I walked up to the two police officers sitting at a desk and asked if I could speak to someone in charge. The older of the two officers said that he was the police officer in charge and that I could speak with him.
I began explaining the story to him – how two weeks earlier two police officers took 4000 baht from me. These two officers didn't speak English well and my Thai is non-existent and so somehow their interpretation of my story was that I had slept with a lady boy and that afterward, he (she) stole my money. Again, I had to phone Em and get her to explain to what had happened to me. Afterwards, Em told me that the police officer was going to take me into a room where there would be pictures of 60 officers on the wall. If I could identify which two officers took my money, then they would be called in to speak with me. She was certain this wasn’t going to be possible, “How are you going to identify them? They all look the same?”
So the officer took me into the room mentioned and I had to look through the 60 pictures. Having just seen the two officers in person, I was quickly able to pick out one of the two who took my money. But even after five minutes of analysis, I couldn't pick out the stern officer, the one who had physically taken my money. Then finally I found him. He looked slightly different in his picture but I was sure it was him. The officer in charge then got on the phone and made the call. Then he directed me back to the room with the desk.
After 10 minutes of me anxiously waiting, the stern looking officer showed up and he walked over and sat down beside me. He looked at me and said, "Oh, now I remember you." "Now you remember me?", I asked. "Yeah, you were the one with the medicine." Then he looked at me, raised his hands in the air, and said, "So?" "So, I would like my money back", I responded. "You want your money back?" he asked. "Yeah, I would like my 4,000 baht back." To my suprise, he picked up his phone, made a call to his partner, and then told me to wait five mintues. He left the room and I waited.
Several minutes later he came back into the room sat down beside me and handed me four 1,000 baht bills. I took the money, stuffed it in my pocket, and then thanked him. Then I smiled (in an effort to try and make things a little less serious) before asking him, "Do you hate me?" He told me that he didn't hate me. Next I asked him, "Are you mad at me?" "No", he responded. "Good" I replied and I offered him my hand. We shook hands and then I got up, thanked the other officers for their help, and was out the door, around the corner, and down the first side street I could find.
December 30, 2009
Heart of A Buddha
A few weeks ago I became friends with this lovely Italian girl named Simona and she had a copy of this small but amazing book of Buddhist teachings called 'Heart of A Buddha'. Often, when Simona and I were lounging around together, one of us would pull out her book and read the short, powerful quotes/mantras out loud to the other. Every teaching in this book resonated with me and since Simona left, I have been desperate to find a copy of this book.
Here is a quote from the book to give you an idea of what it's all about:
Even if everyone else is not doing good, I alone will.
Even if everyone else is doing wrong, I alone will not.
Or another one...
He (sic) who receives kindness should never forget it;
but he who performs it should never remember it.
I always stop in at every book store I pass, but sadly none have had a copy of what I seek. However, I know that 'Heart of A Buddha' is published by the Amitabha Buddhist Society, a school of Mahayana Buddhism, and it is the book that the society gives out for free to those who are interested. So yesterday, after phoning the society to let them know I was coming, I visited the Amitabha Buddhist Society in Bangkok. I was on definite mission to acquire a copy of this book.
When I arrived at the society, there were 20-30 people sitting at long rectangular tables and each person was attentively listening to a tall, dignified man speaking from the front of the room. The second the speaker saw this tall; shaggy haired; slightly soiled, rolled up jean wearing; wallet chain dangling; long board carrying Farang (foreigner) walk through the door, he immediately stopped his lecture, rushed across the room, and warmly greeted me with a smile, a wai, and then a handshake. Immediately I felt uncomfortable because I interrupted his talk, but he quickly ushered me from the doorway, through the rows of tables, and over to the nearby book shelves where he told me, "We have so many books on Buddhism, please choose whichever ones you like."
Embarrassed, I slowly began searching through the huge stack of written-in-English titles on Buddhism looking for the Heart, while the man returned to the front of the room and continued addressing the group. Immediately, a lady came over to me, introduced herself, and asked where I was from. Then she offered to help me search for the book I was looking for. I told her the title and together we scoured the book shelves. After 30 seconds, another lady came over to the two of us, asked me where I was from, and then asked if I would like to sit and have some food with everybody. The group was just finishing eating lunch and there were plates of leftover noodles, rice, and cooked vegetables on one of the nearby tables. I told her "thank you" but that I had just eaten before I came. She smiled and walked away, but quickly returned with a glass of water for me. Then she began helping us look for the book. Two minutes later, another lady brought me a cup of coffee and also asked if I was hungry. After that, a skinny, very eager man, with a big smile brought over books that he thought I should read. "This is a good one. Oh, and this one, this one is really good too. Please take these." This continued throughout my time there. This beautiful man just kept bringing me one book after the other after the other. While all of this was going on, the tall, dignified speaker kept returning ever few minutes, telling me that they had so many books and I could choose whichever books I wanted.
After explaining to them that I was grateful for all of their recommendations, I described the specific book I was looking for. Sadly, I learned that they did not have any copies of 'Heart of A Buddha'. One of the ladies then suddenly remembered that in another room there were copies of other books and so we went to look for the Heart there. She led me down the hall and into the second room where we began looking but again, no luck. When we turned around to leave the room, a lady was standing there with a fresh glass of water and a plate of watermelon slices for me. I took the gifts and then thanked her several times.
The lady who had originally come over to help me look for the book told me that her son visiting from the U.S. and she wanted him to meet me. She pulled out her mobile, phoned her son, and told him to come down to meet me. Then she asked me why I didn't want anything to eat. Embarrassed, I told her that I only eat raw foods (Since meeting my friend Raphael, who is a raw food advocate, I've been trying to stick to a raw food diet as much as I can; know that I am aware of how unappreciative it may seem that I turned down their cooked food). Once she heard this, she instantly hurried off to the kitchen and prepared me a huge salad of lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, green and red peppers, as well as a plate of fruit. I then sat among the group eating, extremely grateful, but also very uncomfortable that she had gone to so much trouble.
The lady’s son then came to the hall and sat with me while I ate. During this time, another lady was on the phone to a different Buddhist society asking them if they had the book I was looking for. Once I finished eating, the son of his mother asked me where I was going next and then offered to give me a ride to the sky train so that I could get downtown. He then apologized, telling me that I would have to wait 20 minutes for their car to show up. Then he took me over to a nearby computer and told me that I could check my email while we waited for the car to arrive.
Once the 20 minutes had passed, the lady, her son, and I all get into the car and headed off (Who do you think got the front seat?). As we drove, they handed me a map of Bangkok to take with me so I wouldn't get lost when traveling from the sky train to where I wanted to go. Lastly, they asked if I had anyone to call in case I ever got into trouble while in Thailand and then offered me their phone numbers to use any time. Once we got to the sky train I thanked them several times for everything they had done for me and got out of the car full of love and lightness.
In the end I left with a full stomach and four books on Buddhism; but I didn't find the "Heart of A Buddha". Or maybe I did.
Here is a quote from the book to give you an idea of what it's all about:
Even if everyone else is not doing good, I alone will.
Even if everyone else is doing wrong, I alone will not.
Or another one...
He (sic) who receives kindness should never forget it;
but he who performs it should never remember it.
I always stop in at every book store I pass, but sadly none have had a copy of what I seek. However, I know that 'Heart of A Buddha' is published by the Amitabha Buddhist Society, a school of Mahayana Buddhism, and it is the book that the society gives out for free to those who are interested. So yesterday, after phoning the society to let them know I was coming, I visited the Amitabha Buddhist Society in Bangkok. I was on definite mission to acquire a copy of this book.
When I arrived at the society, there were 20-30 people sitting at long rectangular tables and each person was attentively listening to a tall, dignified man speaking from the front of the room. The second the speaker saw this tall; shaggy haired; slightly soiled, rolled up jean wearing; wallet chain dangling; long board carrying Farang (foreigner) walk through the door, he immediately stopped his lecture, rushed across the room, and warmly greeted me with a smile, a wai, and then a handshake. Immediately I felt uncomfortable because I interrupted his talk, but he quickly ushered me from the doorway, through the rows of tables, and over to the nearby book shelves where he told me, "We have so many books on Buddhism, please choose whichever ones you like."
Embarrassed, I slowly began searching through the huge stack of written-in-English titles on Buddhism looking for the Heart, while the man returned to the front of the room and continued addressing the group. Immediately, a lady came over to me, introduced herself, and asked where I was from. Then she offered to help me search for the book I was looking for. I told her the title and together we scoured the book shelves. After 30 seconds, another lady came over to the two of us, asked me where I was from, and then asked if I would like to sit and have some food with everybody. The group was just finishing eating lunch and there were plates of leftover noodles, rice, and cooked vegetables on one of the nearby tables. I told her "thank you" but that I had just eaten before I came. She smiled and walked away, but quickly returned with a glass of water for me. Then she began helping us look for the book. Two minutes later, another lady brought me a cup of coffee and also asked if I was hungry. After that, a skinny, very eager man, with a big smile brought over books that he thought I should read. "This is a good one. Oh, and this one, this one is really good too. Please take these." This continued throughout my time there. This beautiful man just kept bringing me one book after the other after the other. While all of this was going on, the tall, dignified speaker kept returning ever few minutes, telling me that they had so many books and I could choose whichever books I wanted.
After explaining to them that I was grateful for all of their recommendations, I described the specific book I was looking for. Sadly, I learned that they did not have any copies of 'Heart of A Buddha'. One of the ladies then suddenly remembered that in another room there were copies of other books and so we went to look for the Heart there. She led me down the hall and into the second room where we began looking but again, no luck. When we turned around to leave the room, a lady was standing there with a fresh glass of water and a plate of watermelon slices for me. I took the gifts and then thanked her several times.
The lady who had originally come over to help me look for the book told me that her son visiting from the U.S. and she wanted him to meet me. She pulled out her mobile, phoned her son, and told him to come down to meet me. Then she asked me why I didn't want anything to eat. Embarrassed, I told her that I only eat raw foods (Since meeting my friend Raphael, who is a raw food advocate, I've been trying to stick to a raw food diet as much as I can; know that I am aware of how unappreciative it may seem that I turned down their cooked food). Once she heard this, she instantly hurried off to the kitchen and prepared me a huge salad of lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, green and red peppers, as well as a plate of fruit. I then sat among the group eating, extremely grateful, but also very uncomfortable that she had gone to so much trouble.
The lady’s son then came to the hall and sat with me while I ate. During this time, another lady was on the phone to a different Buddhist society asking them if they had the book I was looking for. Once I finished eating, the son of his mother asked me where I was going next and then offered to give me a ride to the sky train so that I could get downtown. He then apologized, telling me that I would have to wait 20 minutes for their car to show up. Then he took me over to a nearby computer and told me that I could check my email while we waited for the car to arrive.
Once the 20 minutes had passed, the lady, her son, and I all get into the car and headed off (Who do you think got the front seat?). As we drove, they handed me a map of Bangkok to take with me so I wouldn't get lost when traveling from the sky train to where I wanted to go. Lastly, they asked if I had anyone to call in case I ever got into trouble while in Thailand and then offered me their phone numbers to use any time. Once we got to the sky train I thanked them several times for everything they had done for me and got out of the car full of love and lightness.
In the end I left with a full stomach and four books on Buddhism; but I didn't find the "Heart of A Buddha". Or maybe I did.
December 27, 2009
Timing
As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve wanted to get this blog up and running for a while now but have been hindered by a thought that I should start with stories from my first few weeks in South East Asia and then continue on chronologically. I’ve decided to just put my most pertinent experience here for you to read (this is also, likely, the most challenging experience of my life).
After arriving in Thailand and spending three days in Bangkok, I headed off to an island called Koh Chang where I spent a little over a month. On my third last evening on the island, I went to a little Rasta bar called Zion with a Canadian friend named Emmanuel and two German girls. The four of us were sitting, talking, and having a good time when I spotted this beautiful girl across the bar. Instantly I could sense something special about this girl - I’ve always been attracted to women that I sense are unique and there was something absolutely mesmerizing about her. She was beautiful, had an amazing sense of style, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Twenty minutes later her and her friend went up in front of the bar and she began spinning fire, doing contact juggling with a fire staff, and then hoola hooping. I’ve seen so many beautiful things in my life but the way this girl moved as she played hoola hoop was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. Again, I just couldn’t take my eyes off of her. When her show was finished and she came back into the bar I just kept looking her way, knowing that I absolutely had to meet her. After 30 minutes of awkward glances (by me of course) and continuous thinking about something witty to say (for some reason “hello” just never seems to be good enough), I finally cultivated the courage to approach her (by the way 30 minutes is a personal best for me – usually it takes me weeks, months, or even years to approach a girl I’m attracted to). I told her that I liked the show (wittiness in full force). She told me her name was Em and that she was from Bangkok. I don’t remember what all was said during that conversation; I just remember that after it ended and I had walked away, I then immediately returned to tell her that I thought she was beautiful. She smiled and responded, “It’s dark out.” Without hesitation, I told her, “No, You really are very beautiful.”
Two nights later, on my last night on Koh Chang, I went out to Treehouse bar in hopes that this lovely girl would be there and I would get to speak with her again. Luckily, she was in fact out that night and I happily talked with her for a long while. We sat together getting to know one another and again I told her that I thought she was beautiful. Then I let her know that I would love to hang out with her when we both got back to Bangkok. She gave me her phone number as well as her email address. All smiles…
The following morning, I was up early and hitchhiked to the ferry. It was about 8:30 am and I had just found a seat when my beautiful fire spinning girl walked up the stairs with a friend. Of course I was stoked, but also a little anxious. She introduced me to her friend, an Italian girl named Simona, and the three of us spent the ferry ride chatting. When we hit the mainland I was on a different bus than they were and so I was forced to separate from them. Once I got to Bangkok though, I quickly checked into my guest house, showered, and then raced off to the nearby park where I knew I would find both Simona and Em. This was the start of many things beautiful.
Immediately, Simona and I became close friends and we would spend most minutes of the next week in each other’s company, just laughing and laughing with and at one another. Simona got me and it was amazing to meet someone I could really share myself with – to love and to be loved. During our time together, Simona learned of all my little neurosis. And you know there are many (smile). She never judged me though and we were able to really laugh at all my craziness. We became close so quickly that she could just look at me and with a twitch of her eyes or a little smile let me know that she knew exactly what was running through my mind. I remember that whenever I got stressed out about something or had one of those ‘Ryotic’ moments, when I absolutely have to cover my eyes with something whether it be my hands, my hair, sunglasses, or glasses with no lenses, Simona would just look at me and playfully say, “It must be really hard to be you huh?”
I spent every day, of the next 10 days or so, with Simona and Em. That week, Em and her fire partner and friend were playing fire and this continued for five evenings straight at the Street Festival that was happening to celebrate the King’s birthday. Each night we watched their show and then, after Em showered, we would hit up nearby fruit and noodle stands for some late dinner. Every night we stayed out until early morning and each night we stayed out later than the last. All of our time was spent joking, laughing, and enjoying each other’s company.
In private, Simona would joke with me about how slow I was moving with Em; that Em’s heart was open and if I didn’t make a move soon I might miss something amazing. In my mind, I was just letting things happen organically. I liked Em and I was definitely attracted to her, but because I liked her I didn’t feel comfortable just ‘making a move on her’. Em had also told me that she was in the process of ending a relationship with someone and so I wanted to be respectful of that and let things happen naturally, on her time. In fact, it wasn’t until Simona’s second last day in Bangkok that I realized how much I liked Em. That day, her and Simona went off shopping together and the whole time they were gone thoughts of Em just ran through my mind. In the late morning she sent me a text saying that she missed me (smile) and after that I spent the whole day just waiting to see her lovely, beautiful, shining face. I remember how excited I was to see both of them when they came roaring up on Em’s motorbike later that afternoon.
That night my good friend Farhad, whom I absolutely adore, came into town and we all went to Em’s show. After the show, some other contact jugglers/performers took over the stage and they put on an amazing and hilarious performance, which involved pulling me up on stage and making fun of me in front of hundreds of people for 10 straight minutes (see facebook videos if interested). In the early morning, Simona, Farhad, Em, and I all lay in bed together talking and listening to music. As we lay there, I got closer and closer to Em and finally I put my arm around her waistline. Because of some mischievous sounds coming from across the bed, Em whispered in my ear that I should go to my room and she would follow me there. I slowly snuck out of the bed and Em and I went to my room, where I just held and caressed her. To me, it was beautiful. To Simona and Farhad, I was moving way way to slow. I brought up a beautiful analogy, that Farhad had come up with earlier when we were on Koh Chang together, in my defence: “Some guys are race cars and they just go for things hot off the start, but they burn out quickly and can’t go the distance. Other cars maybe aren’t that quick off the start but of course, these cars, they can go longer distances.” Of course, I regarded myself as the latter car. Quickly Simona replied, “If that’s the case then you my friend are a bicycle.”
Despite sensing I may have blown it, by waiting so long to even kiss this amazing girl, the following night Em stayed with me and that next morning we were intimate. This then evolved into an absolutely beautiful, love-filled experience. In my life, for varying reasons, I’ve developed a bit of a pattern - after I’ve been romantically or even lustfully involved with someone I tend to panic, feel extremely trapped, and then run away as fast as my feet can carry me. As a result, I haven’t been in a real relationship since 2005. With Em however, I was able to just let go, relax, and openly share myself with her.
We spent the next four or so days exploring each other, caressing, and making love. Each time we were together was more intense, more loving, and more connected than the last. On my last night in Bangkok, as we lay together, Em looked over at me and told me that even though she had much work to do she wanted to come with me up North. I was thrilled.
The following day I cancelled my ticket on the ‘tourist bus’ and Em and I got tickets together for a local bus to Chiang Mai. Once we arrived in Chiang Mai, the next day we hitchhiked up North to Mae Sai so I could extend my visa and stay in Thailand another two weeks. Following that, we spent the next four days totally consumed with one another. We rarely left our guest house. We put off eating and even drinking water in favour of being in each other’s arms. We spent hour upon hour kissing, making love, and just holding each other. Often, Em would look at me and tell me how strong her feelings for me were getting. To which I would joke, “That’s normal.” Every day I also felt closer and more connected to her. Everything about it was beautiful. She was beautiful. I’ve never connected with anyone so quickly and the way I connected with Em, and when she finally left back to Bangkok I didn’t feel guilty (for some reason, intense guilt is often present after I have been intimate with someone).
When Em finally had to leave, I was initially okay with it. Each of us had just dropped everything to be with the other and because we had spent so much time together, it felt good to re-connect with myself and to re-evaluate why I am here in Asia. Both of us knew, and had talked about, how we each needed the next couple of months to follow our own passions and then meet again to see where we stood with each other. After one day though, I missed her terribly. She was constantly in my thoughts and I was desperate to see her again. I was, and am, totally attached. And I definitely knew that I needed to see her again before I headed on to China to study Yoga there.
A quote from a very amazing author comes to mind as I write my story:
“Not even one’s own pain weighs so heavy as the pain one feels with someone, for someone, a pain intensified by the imagination and prolonged by a hundred echoes.” - Milan Kundera -
Em and I talked on the phone most nights after she left. When I told her how I was feeling it was of course her turn to respond, “Don’t worry, that’s normal.” During our conversations she would constantly complain to me that she didn’t have any motivation to practice fire and I tried to help her make sense of this. After five or six nights away from her, I told her that I wanted to see her again before I left Thailand and that if she didn’t have to work on the 25th, I intended to come back to Bangkok so we could spend Christmas together. She told me she would find out if she had been booked to perform on Christmas night and get back to me the next day.
The following afternoon I phoned her to find out if Christmas was a go. I was hoping and praying that I would be able to see her again and so I was stoked when she told me that she didn’t have to work. But Em then told me that she had found out why she felt so un-motivated and tired all the time. She was pregnant. She then told me that she was seven weeks along. It took me at least 10 seconds to work out that she wasn’t pregnant by me. I just sat there resisting the panic that was swallowing me. She told me that it was with her ex-boyfriend who she had just recently broken up with and didn’t love. I just sat in silence until I could say the only thing that came into my mind: “I wish it was mine.” To which she replied, “I wish it was yours too, I really do.” Silence... Then we both started laughing... Because If we didn’t laugh, I would have cried.
After arriving in Thailand and spending three days in Bangkok, I headed off to an island called Koh Chang where I spent a little over a month. On my third last evening on the island, I went to a little Rasta bar called Zion with a Canadian friend named Emmanuel and two German girls. The four of us were sitting, talking, and having a good time when I spotted this beautiful girl across the bar. Instantly I could sense something special about this girl - I’ve always been attracted to women that I sense are unique and there was something absolutely mesmerizing about her. She was beautiful, had an amazing sense of style, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Twenty minutes later her and her friend went up in front of the bar and she began spinning fire, doing contact juggling with a fire staff, and then hoola hooping. I’ve seen so many beautiful things in my life but the way this girl moved as she played hoola hoop was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. Again, I just couldn’t take my eyes off of her. When her show was finished and she came back into the bar I just kept looking her way, knowing that I absolutely had to meet her. After 30 minutes of awkward glances (by me of course) and continuous thinking about something witty to say (for some reason “hello” just never seems to be good enough), I finally cultivated the courage to approach her (by the way 30 minutes is a personal best for me – usually it takes me weeks, months, or even years to approach a girl I’m attracted to). I told her that I liked the show (wittiness in full force). She told me her name was Em and that she was from Bangkok. I don’t remember what all was said during that conversation; I just remember that after it ended and I had walked away, I then immediately returned to tell her that I thought she was beautiful. She smiled and responded, “It’s dark out.” Without hesitation, I told her, “No, You really are very beautiful.”
Two nights later, on my last night on Koh Chang, I went out to Treehouse bar in hopes that this lovely girl would be there and I would get to speak with her again. Luckily, she was in fact out that night and I happily talked with her for a long while. We sat together getting to know one another and again I told her that I thought she was beautiful. Then I let her know that I would love to hang out with her when we both got back to Bangkok. She gave me her phone number as well as her email address. All smiles…
The following morning, I was up early and hitchhiked to the ferry. It was about 8:30 am and I had just found a seat when my beautiful fire spinning girl walked up the stairs with a friend. Of course I was stoked, but also a little anxious. She introduced me to her friend, an Italian girl named Simona, and the three of us spent the ferry ride chatting. When we hit the mainland I was on a different bus than they were and so I was forced to separate from them. Once I got to Bangkok though, I quickly checked into my guest house, showered, and then raced off to the nearby park where I knew I would find both Simona and Em. This was the start of many things beautiful.
Immediately, Simona and I became close friends and we would spend most minutes of the next week in each other’s company, just laughing and laughing with and at one another. Simona got me and it was amazing to meet someone I could really share myself with – to love and to be loved. During our time together, Simona learned of all my little neurosis. And you know there are many (smile). She never judged me though and we were able to really laugh at all my craziness. We became close so quickly that she could just look at me and with a twitch of her eyes or a little smile let me know that she knew exactly what was running through my mind. I remember that whenever I got stressed out about something or had one of those ‘Ryotic’ moments, when I absolutely have to cover my eyes with something whether it be my hands, my hair, sunglasses, or glasses with no lenses, Simona would just look at me and playfully say, “It must be really hard to be you huh?”
I spent every day, of the next 10 days or so, with Simona and Em. That week, Em and her fire partner and friend were playing fire and this continued for five evenings straight at the Street Festival that was happening to celebrate the King’s birthday. Each night we watched their show and then, after Em showered, we would hit up nearby fruit and noodle stands for some late dinner. Every night we stayed out until early morning and each night we stayed out later than the last. All of our time was spent joking, laughing, and enjoying each other’s company.
In private, Simona would joke with me about how slow I was moving with Em; that Em’s heart was open and if I didn’t make a move soon I might miss something amazing. In my mind, I was just letting things happen organically. I liked Em and I was definitely attracted to her, but because I liked her I didn’t feel comfortable just ‘making a move on her’. Em had also told me that she was in the process of ending a relationship with someone and so I wanted to be respectful of that and let things happen naturally, on her time. In fact, it wasn’t until Simona’s second last day in Bangkok that I realized how much I liked Em. That day, her and Simona went off shopping together and the whole time they were gone thoughts of Em just ran through my mind. In the late morning she sent me a text saying that she missed me (smile) and after that I spent the whole day just waiting to see her lovely, beautiful, shining face. I remember how excited I was to see both of them when they came roaring up on Em’s motorbike later that afternoon.
That night my good friend Farhad, whom I absolutely adore, came into town and we all went to Em’s show. After the show, some other contact jugglers/performers took over the stage and they put on an amazing and hilarious performance, which involved pulling me up on stage and making fun of me in front of hundreds of people for 10 straight minutes (see facebook videos if interested). In the early morning, Simona, Farhad, Em, and I all lay in bed together talking and listening to music. As we lay there, I got closer and closer to Em and finally I put my arm around her waistline. Because of some mischievous sounds coming from across the bed, Em whispered in my ear that I should go to my room and she would follow me there. I slowly snuck out of the bed and Em and I went to my room, where I just held and caressed her. To me, it was beautiful. To Simona and Farhad, I was moving way way to slow. I brought up a beautiful analogy, that Farhad had come up with earlier when we were on Koh Chang together, in my defence: “Some guys are race cars and they just go for things hot off the start, but they burn out quickly and can’t go the distance. Other cars maybe aren’t that quick off the start but of course, these cars, they can go longer distances.” Of course, I regarded myself as the latter car. Quickly Simona replied, “If that’s the case then you my friend are a bicycle.”
Despite sensing I may have blown it, by waiting so long to even kiss this amazing girl, the following night Em stayed with me and that next morning we were intimate. This then evolved into an absolutely beautiful, love-filled experience. In my life, for varying reasons, I’ve developed a bit of a pattern - after I’ve been romantically or even lustfully involved with someone I tend to panic, feel extremely trapped, and then run away as fast as my feet can carry me. As a result, I haven’t been in a real relationship since 2005. With Em however, I was able to just let go, relax, and openly share myself with her.
We spent the next four or so days exploring each other, caressing, and making love. Each time we were together was more intense, more loving, and more connected than the last. On my last night in Bangkok, as we lay together, Em looked over at me and told me that even though she had much work to do she wanted to come with me up North. I was thrilled.
The following day I cancelled my ticket on the ‘tourist bus’ and Em and I got tickets together for a local bus to Chiang Mai. Once we arrived in Chiang Mai, the next day we hitchhiked up North to Mae Sai so I could extend my visa and stay in Thailand another two weeks. Following that, we spent the next four days totally consumed with one another. We rarely left our guest house. We put off eating and even drinking water in favour of being in each other’s arms. We spent hour upon hour kissing, making love, and just holding each other. Often, Em would look at me and tell me how strong her feelings for me were getting. To which I would joke, “That’s normal.” Every day I also felt closer and more connected to her. Everything about it was beautiful. She was beautiful. I’ve never connected with anyone so quickly and the way I connected with Em, and when she finally left back to Bangkok I didn’t feel guilty (for some reason, intense guilt is often present after I have been intimate with someone).
When Em finally had to leave, I was initially okay with it. Each of us had just dropped everything to be with the other and because we had spent so much time together, it felt good to re-connect with myself and to re-evaluate why I am here in Asia. Both of us knew, and had talked about, how we each needed the next couple of months to follow our own passions and then meet again to see where we stood with each other. After one day though, I missed her terribly. She was constantly in my thoughts and I was desperate to see her again. I was, and am, totally attached. And I definitely knew that I needed to see her again before I headed on to China to study Yoga there.
A quote from a very amazing author comes to mind as I write my story:
“Not even one’s own pain weighs so heavy as the pain one feels with someone, for someone, a pain intensified by the imagination and prolonged by a hundred echoes.” - Milan Kundera -
Em and I talked on the phone most nights after she left. When I told her how I was feeling it was of course her turn to respond, “Don’t worry, that’s normal.” During our conversations she would constantly complain to me that she didn’t have any motivation to practice fire and I tried to help her make sense of this. After five or six nights away from her, I told her that I wanted to see her again before I left Thailand and that if she didn’t have to work on the 25th, I intended to come back to Bangkok so we could spend Christmas together. She told me she would find out if she had been booked to perform on Christmas night and get back to me the next day.
The following afternoon I phoned her to find out if Christmas was a go. I was hoping and praying that I would be able to see her again and so I was stoked when she told me that she didn’t have to work. But Em then told me that she had found out why she felt so un-motivated and tired all the time. She was pregnant. She then told me that she was seven weeks along. It took me at least 10 seconds to work out that she wasn’t pregnant by me. I just sat there resisting the panic that was swallowing me. She told me that it was with her ex-boyfriend who she had just recently broken up with and didn’t love. I just sat in silence until I could say the only thing that came into my mind: “I wish it was mine.” To which she replied, “I wish it was yours too, I really do.” Silence... Then we both started laughing... Because If we didn’t laugh, I would have cried.
December 25, 2009
Gratefulness
I've been wanting to get this blog up and running for a long while now but have been weighed down by a continuous feeling that I need to start with stories from my first few weeks in South East Asia and then continue on chronologically with everything crazy that has happened since I began traveling. Instead, I decided to start with something a little more valuable, a list of everything that I am grateful for on this day.
I am grateful for:
-Every minute I get to spend with the girl I love
-All of the beautiful, loving, and uplifting people that continue to come into my life
-Simona - such a beautiful, loving, supportive, and amazing friend
-Raphael - for coming into my life at just the right time and when I needed it
-Farhad - for being who you are, for loving me, and for teaching me so many beautiful things
-My parents - for their undying love and support
-My mother - my closest and most amazing friend; the person that I can (and do) always turn to for support
-My brother, whom I miss and think of often
-Understanding, awareness, and acceptance as I go through one of the most difficult experiences of my life (One must keep in mind that because my life has been so blessed and I am so fortunate that, although difficult, this experience will likely just result in growth and an opportunity to evolve)
-So of course, growth and learning
-The opportunity to face my fears
-My healthy body
-My breath
-Healthy, nutritious food to eat
-Clean water to drink
-Safe places to sleep
-My home, which allows me to travel the world
-All of the amazing people, around this world, who love and support me
-Signs from the divine
-The Earth and the Sun
-My life
-You!!!
On this day I meditate on all I have and I know that I am so very very fortunate.
Love, shanti...
r
I am grateful for:
-Every minute I get to spend with the girl I love
-All of the beautiful, loving, and uplifting people that continue to come into my life
-Simona - such a beautiful, loving, supportive, and amazing friend
-Raphael - for coming into my life at just the right time and when I needed it
-Farhad - for being who you are, for loving me, and for teaching me so many beautiful things
-My parents - for their undying love and support
-My mother - my closest and most amazing friend; the person that I can (and do) always turn to for support
-My brother, whom I miss and think of often
-Understanding, awareness, and acceptance as I go through one of the most difficult experiences of my life (One must keep in mind that because my life has been so blessed and I am so fortunate that, although difficult, this experience will likely just result in growth and an opportunity to evolve)
-So of course, growth and learning
-The opportunity to face my fears
-My healthy body
-My breath
-Healthy, nutritious food to eat
-Clean water to drink
-Safe places to sleep
-My home, which allows me to travel the world
-All of the amazing people, around this world, who love and support me
-Signs from the divine
-The Earth and the Sun
-My life
-You!!!
On this day I meditate on all I have and I know that I am so very very fortunate.
Love, shanti...
r
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